So many things around me screamed something was wrong but I just couldn't accept it. Things like my child's appearance and how sloppy he/she always looked. Or their speech being impaired, slow, and slurred. But I believed them when they would say they were just really tired. Or how about when I noticed all my teaspoons were gone and I asked them if they had them hidden somewhere or worse yet, if they had been using them to dig outside (as if they were children!). How come I couldn't see it? Truth is I could see it, I just didn't want to accept it. If I accepted it then it became a reality that I couldn't deal with. If I admitted what I suspected, that my child was hooked on drugs, then I had to make really hard decisions on what to do about it. And I didn't want to do that. So I denied it as long as I could to protect myself from the pain of doing what was necessary. When I finally did accept and confront the truth then my relationship changed with my child. They knew they no longer was pulling the wool over my eyes so to speak. It caused our relationship to be guarded and on the defense. I was always looking for signs and they were always denying. Eventually they would just avoid me. Losing the relationship with my child was the most difficult part of knowing they had a problem. My heart was broken and i didn't know how to fix this.